Sleeping with the (friend of the) enemy
Bros before hoes. Chicks before dicks. We all know the sacred unspoken rule of putting friends before relationships and usually I agree with it. I’d never dream of pursuing an ex’s close friends. But what if the relationship has crashed and burned and will never be able to be revived? And does the rule encompass any common casual acquaintances or just close friends? All in all, Is there ever a situation in which it’s okay to hook up with one of your ex’s friends?
As I’ve mentioned before, my ex and I share a number of friends, and though my blinding love for him never led me to throw even the slightest glance in any of their directions in the past, I have to admit there’s one I’ve always thought was pretty attractive and I knew he felt the same. Since the breakup we’ve shared some mild flirtation, but when I finally decided to turn it up a notch, I was met with an uncomfortable wall of silence. When I asked my girlfriend, who knows us both, she admitted that when she mentioned me to him, he said that no matter how hot he thought I was, he could never do that to his friend.
A week later, the topic came up again when a bunch of us were out. I was complaining about my inability to find a proper booty call and suggested that I might just be desperate enough to take my friend up on his repeated offers to “take me to a land of pleasure like I’ve never known.” The friend, who has always been pretty open about his crush on me, said as nice as that sounded, he could never do that to my ex. My jaw dropped. I countered that they were hardly close at all and that he probably didn’t even possess my ex’s phone number, but he just shrugged his shoulders and insisted it was the rules. For the rest of the night, I teasingly hung on him and took every chance I could find to nuzzle against his neck. Of course, I had no real interest in him, but the thought of being told I can’t do something is like daring me to try ten times harder to get it done.
Today, I asked my friend about my dilemma. She admitted that it was, indeed, the rule and asked if I would like it if my ex hooked up with her. And this is where I disagree with the so-called “golden rule.”
It’s one thing to be the dumpee and not want your ex to hook up with your friends, but if your ex clearly doesn’t want to be with you, should the rule really keep you from pursuing others who know him?
