Sometimes you have to cross an ocean to get some perspective
Almost exactly a year ago, I was about to board a plane to Hawaii to take my first ever solo traveling excursion. Almost exactly a year ago, I was madly in love with this guy. And almost exactly a year ago, he gave me this necklace with St. Christopher on it to protect me during my Hawaiian adventure and all my adventures to come.
About two months ago, as I was having a rare pleasant conversation with my ex, he reminded me of the necklace and told me to wear it on my upcoming trip to India. I said of course I would. I mentioned this on a previous post and a male reader of mine wrote me a few weeks after, saying that if I wore it, I would never be able to let go of my ex.
I appreciated the advice, but inwardly shrugged it off. As I packed for my trip a few days ago, I stuck the necklace in a little baggy with the rest of my jewelry and silently reminded myself to put it on the next morning before I left for the airport.
But the next day, I put it off. I told myself I’d put it on at the airport. I was surprised at my ambivalence and was confused as to where it came from. Absentmindedly I checked my phone. I continued this throughout the morning, not really realizing why.
When I boarded the plane, the necklace still remained tucked away in my carry on backpack. As I settled into my seat, I looked at my phone for any missed calls, then reluctantly switched it to airplane mode. And then it dawned on me. He hadn’t called. He hadn’t texted. He hadn’t even e-mailed.
He, the person who had encouraged me to take this trip. He, the person who had insisted I not sleep with anyone in India. Who had tried to offer me money as a gift to help pay for it. He had not even thought to say goodbye, or at the very least wish me a safe trip.
I arrived in India, my neck bare. Two days after arriving, I am finally getting online. I anxiously checked my emails, thinking perhaps he had forgotten till I’d already left. Nothing.
So the necklace is still buried in my bag, and I guess for now, that’s where it will stay. Before I thought I needed it. Needed him. But I crossed the Atlantic ocean, spent the night in Dubai, and made it to a country thousands of miles from home on my own. Without a necklace.
And honestly? I’m starting to think my neck looks way better bare.
